so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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