he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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