I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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