she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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