just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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