This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
be right there i have to get my cape
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
