The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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