He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
