i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
