i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish you could order shots online.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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