so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
