walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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