You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
