I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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