They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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