All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
