Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
