my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Randomize
