what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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