He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
