Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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