I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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