dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you win again, gameday.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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