I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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