Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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