They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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