When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
