96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
