If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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