In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
