If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
