Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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