you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
