Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
