my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
