1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
