weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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