I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
