even my farts smell like vagina
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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