There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
