also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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