Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
