just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
