Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
