If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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