You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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