im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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