I just saw a hot homeless man
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
