My hand turned me down
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
