He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
