I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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