Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
