As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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