I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
