I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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