no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
