I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
