Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
