my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
