You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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