Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
