69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
