Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The struggles of a small town man whore
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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