Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
