I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
