I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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