Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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