Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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