...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
