Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
