You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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